THE PARACHUTE PARADIGM
You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only
one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump
anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived
crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the
parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and
get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with
their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a
neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and
dental floss.
Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a
report on how well it worked.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that
it will work in all cases.
Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute
instructions.
Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all
four languages.
Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a
parachute as well as a human being could.
Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular
intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds
them of.
Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work
hard and not expect handouts.
Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut
the parachute into two equal pieces.
Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional right to
have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
National Rifle Association: you shoot them and take the parachute.
Police Bigot: you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is
biodegradable.
Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the
parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
Branch Davidian (David Koresh): you get inside the parachute and
refuse to come out.
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it
works fine.
Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long
to learn how to fix a plane.
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous
to your health.
Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that
despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that
no one has ever testified under oath that he has been fatally injured
jumping without a parachute.
Source: "Joanna´s Jokes" - Yahoo mailing list
You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only
one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump
anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived
crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the
parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and
get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with
their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a
neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and
dental floss.
Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a
report on how well it worked.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that
it will work in all cases.
Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute
instructions.
Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all
four languages.
Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a
parachute as well as a human being could.
Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular
intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds
them of.
Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work
hard and not expect handouts.
Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut
the parachute into two equal pieces.
Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional right to
have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
National Rifle Association: you shoot them and take the parachute.
Police Bigot: you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is
biodegradable.
Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the
parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
Branch Davidian (David Koresh): you get inside the parachute and
refuse to come out.
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it
works fine.
Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long
to learn how to fix a plane.
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous
to your health.
Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that
despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that
no one has ever testified under oath that he has been fatally injured
jumping without a parachute.
Source: "Joanna´s Jokes" - Yahoo mailing list
