1. “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
2. ”Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
3. ”Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
4. “Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
5. ”From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend to read it.”
6. ”How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”
7. ”Humor is reason gone mad.”
8. ”I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
9. ”I'm an ordinary sort of fellow--42 around the chest, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house.”
10. ”I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions-the curtain was up.”
11. ""I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
12. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
13. ”I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”
14. “I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.”
15. “I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.”
16. ”I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
17. ”Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
18. ”Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
19. "Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
20.”Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!”
21. ”Outside of a dog, a book is Man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
22. “Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.”
23. ”Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.”
24.”The Academy Awards are definitely fixed. The Best Actress award is always won by a woman!”
25. ”The only game I like to play is Old Maid, provided she's not too old.”
26.”The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made.”
27. “Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.”
28.”Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.”
29.”Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”
30.”You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”
