The printer is either out of toner or there is no paper only when the client asks for 10 copies of a 120 page report by evening.
The CD drive will not be even detected only when you want to cull out information from some CD. Just the day before that, you would have been playing music and it would have worked fine. If the Drive is working the CD would be corrupt/Scratched.
The network would snap just when you were explaining an important point over a NetMeeting conference call.
The telephones won't work when you need to call long distance urgently.
Either that or somebody would be talking to his girlfriend on the only long distance line.
All mails except the most important one, which was sent way before, will find their way into your inbox.
The client will call only when you had left for a coffee break. And when you call back, he/she won't be available in office.
When its a busy day for you, all your colleagues would be chatting just outside your cabin.
When you don't have much work... all your colleagues will be busy.
Your Security will insist on you leaving by 7:00 on the very day when you have to stay till 10:00 to meet an important deadline.
The display settings on your computer will play havoc only when you have to finish a presentation by afternoon.
Of all the vehicles in the parking, yours would be most difficult to take out when it is an emergency.
Only when you want to piss urgently would all the urinals be taken.
The office assistant would be on leave only on the day you need him most.
The client would not have gone through the report/brief before attending your well rehearsed presentation.
The better your presentation, least the impact.
When the telephone operator leaves the board on night mode all the calls would land only on your desk.
When you are attending a client call on a colleagues desk, and need to jot down urgently, none of the pens on his desk would write if not you wouldn't find a piece of paper within your reach.
You'd find the important Phone number/e-mail ID you had been looking for, only after you had got in touch with that person by some other means.
When you are out of office, the most important of phone calls would be attended by the least concerned of your colleagues who wouldn't even care to ask who it was.. or wouldn't remember.
Only on the rarest of the days you come late, you'd bump into your boss smoking at the entrance.
The floppy which worked perfectly alright few minutes ago on your machine will not open in your boss's or client's machine.
The coffee machine will be empty, when you need coffee most.
After a really hard day of work, when starting your car at 11:00 pm in the night to leave office, you'll realize that you've run out of gas.
Corollary: It's only after you run out of gas, you'll remember that the nearest gas station is at least 5 miles away.
The stapler will be out of pins when needed.
The frequency of mailing performed by a person varies in inverse proportion to the amount of work at hand.
The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of functions in his pocket calculator.
Assaf's Laws of Paperwork:
When there are two possible forms to fill out on any given matter, the wrong form is always filled out at first
The wrong form is not discovered until it has been signed by all parties concerned, sealed, and delivered. Assaf's CorollaryOnce the right form has been filled out, signed by all parties concerned, sealed, and delivered, it turns out it was filled out wrong.
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
The 90-90 Rule of Project Management:The first 90% of a project requires 90% of the allotted time. The remaining 10% takes another 90% of the allotted time.
When reading this page at work your boss will pop-up (behind your back) and ask you why aren't you working.
Rule #1: The boss is always rightRule
#2: If the boss is wrong refer to rule #1.
